This is Just the Beginning…
Half of a year has passed, and I am finally getting used to the idea that I am now Mrs. Wall. I can recall every detail of the day Mikey and I were married on that endearing little potato farm by the river; how could that have been six whole months ago? At the same time, these past many months have been filled with more life change than most I’ve lived. As I sit here and reflect, the number of lessons I’ve learned since becoming a wife is seemingly endless. Today, I want to discuss just a handful of them. Here are 4 valuable lessons learned in marriage.
1. I am a lot more selfish than I thought!
This is something that I actually expected to learn once becoming a wife. I’d heard from many couples in the past that being married somehow never fails to reveal your selfish nature. However, it is pretty astonishing to actually experience such a revelation. I’ve realized just how selfish I can be in the day to day moments.
I’ve come to realize that most, if not all, of my frustrations with my husband stem from a self-serving perspective, and I’ve been humbled time and time again when these frustrations arise. What can I do about this? Well, I can realign my heart and remind myself that this marriage doesn’t revolve around me. I can focus on radically loving and serving my husband rather than dwell on the things I want him to do or say. Love is a choice that must be made daily, as is the choice to walk in selflessness.
2. It’s the little things that mean the most.
If there’s one thing my husband has learned about me these past six months, it’s that I love my salty snacks – popcorn, fries, Ruffles, you name it. Thus, when Mikey walks through the door with that cute grin of his and a medium fry, he might as well be holding flowers and singing a Frank Sinatra love song… It’s the little things!
What makes little gestures of love so meaningful? Well, they reflect intentionality, which means everything in marriage. Grand, romantic gestures are always lovely and appreciated, but it’s the little notes, the spontaneous foot massages, and the time taken to clean the dishes that mean the most. It’s these things that help a wife to feel seen, loved, valued, and pursued. These are the things that help keep the romance alive. To me, crispy fries are stinkin’ romantic, okay?
And ladies, remember that the little things are important to your husband as well! Intentionality goes both ways, and there are always ways you can romance your man. In my experience, I’ve found that making an effort to initiate an intimate night, for example, means the absolute world to my husband. Showing him that I value every aspect of our marriage makes him feel loved and desired. These are things all husbands and wives long to be.
3. I’m okay not having babies right away!
Since I was a little girl, I have always longed to become two things: a wife and a momma. Now a wife, I often experience extreme symptoms of “baby-fever.” A Huggies commercial on TV, the onesies in the baby section at Target, the darling newborn at the table next to me at Red Robin… After seeing any or all of these, I am drooling, “awwww”ing, and giving my husband those puppy-dog eyes that say, “can we PLEASE make one of those????”
With each passing month, however, I have realized that this time that Mikey and I have together – just the two of us – is precious. It’s a fleeting season we’ll never again have after babies come into the picture, and it’s an amazing time of opportunity to pour into him and our marriage with intentionality. Plus, I feel I hardly ever see him as it is amidst the craziness of school and work! No, the “baby-fever” has not dissipated entirely, but a gratitude for this season has given me the patience to wait for “momma-hood.” I love life with my husband, and will love raising babies with him when that time comes – not a day sooner.›
4. My husband isn’t perfect – but he’s perfect for me.
Marriage teaches you so many wonderful things. I will never tire of growing as a wife and learning to love more fully. One thing is for certain… I married the right man. It’s amazing to realize that I had the power to choose who to marry, and that my decision will profoundly impact the rest of my life – that is no small thing!
The more deeply I get to know my husband, the more my heart is filled with gratitude for the man that he is… and the more I see his imperfections! It’s a beautiful thing to intimately love your spouse. As all of their flaws, insecurities, and fears become evident, you get to choose to love the heck out of them amidst it all. Mikey can be stubborn, and his time management skills can make me crazy… but I have never loved another person as I love him.
As we’re navigating through this first year of marriage together, we are learning so much about each other, about love, selflessness, and so many things. On our wedding day, I vowed to love Mikey unconditionally for the rest of my days – to accept him for the imperfect, growing man that he is. And that’s exactly what we are: two imperfect people learning and growing each day, who are immensely blessed to have found a perfect match in one another.
(Sidenote: I came upon this blog that discusses this same topic, and enjoyed reading Sierra’s valuable insight. Check it out!)